Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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