Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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