Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
