Plan B is the new Plan A
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
