I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
