Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
