Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
