Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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