She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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