I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
