tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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