There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
