woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
