Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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