nut hugger
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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