fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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