If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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