One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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