So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
