She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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