So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
time to smoke my breakfast
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
