Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
