I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
