genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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