It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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