Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
