I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
