So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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