my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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