420 ftw
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize