Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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