My hand turned me down
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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