I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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