Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The air was thick with penises
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
