Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just pee around me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
