Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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