she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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