literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
