i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize