3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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