I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
