have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize