operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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