I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize