If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize