Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm too high and old for this...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
