I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
