my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
