I'm laying in your front yard are you home
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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