please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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