so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize