she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
