Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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