just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
