you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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