i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
