You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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