did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
