I'm jealous of your bromance
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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