well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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