I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
