It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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