Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
