Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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