I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
