Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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