dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
