I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
