Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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