what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
