Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
