omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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