Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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