i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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