Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
