we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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